This is important, for me at least. From this point on I am dropping all conjectures, posturing, and characteristics that make this blog this blog. This is pure humanity, or some closely applicable emotion, coming forth toward you and yours.
In this world I fancy myself as a bit of a badass. As pertaining to most things I honestly don't give a fuck. I am forever unfazed. This has led to the loss of great loves and the ignorance of unspeakable beauties. Despite the bad this has exacerbated my individual streak while toughening me in such a process that can only be compared to that of old meat. In my life I have been heart broken, robbed at gun point, and attacked. All without so much as raising an eyebrow. However, I'll be looking like The Rock tonight. My eyebrows are in the stratosphere, I'm shaken to the bones.
I don't relate so well to women. I'm frequently in love due to idealizing. I frankly worship the alien species, but without so much as a quark of understanding. With every girlfriend, hookup, and fling I have laughed in the face of dangers explicitly doled out to the females of our species. I have even, shamefully, been known to say "it's not rape, it's surprise sex".
Maybe I'm a girl tonight. Maybe I'm a bit more human.
I demurred from a sexual encounter after a roommate's stupid mistake. Thoroughly disinterested, I ignored kisses. Thoroughly annoyed, I ignored cock grabs before sending this mutant on her merry way. Final tally 3 kisses, 4 gropes, and 3 cock grabs. I hated each and every gesture. I sent her on her way quickly.
Soon thereafter I went to sleep feeling a little dirty but nonplussed nonetheless. Then came a knock on the door. In bed, I ignored it. Then came more knocks. Then came screams for my name. Screams, screams, screams, screams, screams, and screams. It sounded as if I was being born outside my own door.
At this point, our house became vandalized, an apt target for spray paint. At this point, a fist went through a window. Then a fist went through another window. At this window, I was terrified in a completely new way. I never understood why doors were locked until this juncture.
In such a circumstance, one becomes unsure, uncertain, and afraid of any and all aspects of humanity. This was not only a wake up call but a reminder of the ridiculous nature of humanity. I realize that when under the influence stupidity is subjected to much growth and exposure. Screaming outside my door like a ravenous hound I hear the very worst of humanity.
Part of me wishes I was deaf.
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