Fairs with fan fair are for twerps and terps. I am neither so I don't go. Instead I stay at home whittling figurines of Presidents. Oak, birch, and cedar Lincolns dot the britches of my foyer. What is their use? I light my hookah off their lit crotches. Taft is the obvious choice for a hard light.I believe this is a right and good thing for a human to do but it gets a bit FUCKING BORING. Fairs, I'm effectively blaming this all on you. Your ferris wheels are bland. Your fun house not fu n enough. To be blunt I'd rather hang at the terrorist jam. Ds anyone know of a good terrorist jam?
Fear not fairs. There is a way to recapture my attention and allocated token fund. I's my idea and I call it the "kissing hole".
Step 1: Get a hole
Step 2: Put a pair of lips in the hole.
Step 3: Charge fairgoers 25 cents to kiss the pair of lips.
Step 4: Using the aid of a caricature artist have the kisser describe the person they just kissed.
Step 5: Reveal the person who the lips belong to. (This works best if they are Yasmine Bleeth or not a person at all)
If this doesn't work. If my grand scheme fails to thrive in a way that no other notion has ever succeeded. If people don't pay to kiss the definition of "obtuse" or maybe "absurd'. If these things fail to be than I will move to Wisconsin and never fuck again. Don't get my wrong I'm an attractive beast but I have too many terrible things to say about Brett Favre. Best I can do is set up a kissing booth, dress up like a geisha, and wait for the Chairman.
I know there were fires and that people might have died but did this affect the price of avocados? I'm wearing all green and could really go for some guacamole.
I got a letter from Archie in rehab today. The letter said "I'm still addicted to Heroin."
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