Things to do this holiday season:
--Get drunk and wander around Home Depot.
--Prove that you're the "cool uncle" by wearing a monocle, sleeping with a shotgun, drinking whiskey for breakfast, etc.
--Create a machine that presses leftover stuffing into bread shapes, so that the stuffing can be utilized as bread in a leftovers sandwich (this is my idea, fuckers, patent pending. PATENT MOTHERFUCKING PENDING, alright? Alright...).
--Goad stupid, inbred, pathetic townies you know from high-school into a deadly road-race.
--Grow long flowing beard and hair, don robe and sandals, and challenge mall Santa to a fistfight under the pretense of being Jesus. After you thoroughly trounce the fat bastard, root through his pockets and get a pretzel at the food court (don't forget to ask for a little plastic tub of nacho dipping cheese).
--Eggnog. Eggnog, eggnog, eggnog.
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