Dear friends and lovers,
What a rambunctious time these couple of weeks have been. The morning after I last wrote you my world fell to pieces. I was attempting to extricate myself from Betsy's room after a night of sensuous kanoodling when she asked me if i loved her.
"Of course I do Betsy," I demurely replied as I scrounged about her room for my clothes, hoping to get back to my room before the morning bed check. "I love you like the moon loves the night."
I have replayed this sentence in my head about five billion times since that faithful morning, because sadly, this was not the answer my beloved was looking for. In fact it only proved to her that I would at some point prove to be as horrible a man as many others she had experienced, for you see--as she pointed out to me--the moon occasionally appears during the morning or very late evening when it is not fully night. She felt that by my saying this I was just stating that I would be unable to remain faithful to her.
Needless to say that was not--and is not--how I felt, but it was enough for her and before kicking me out of her room she informed me that our relationship, the one I had come to cherish so much, was done. As a man of the Cuban persuasion might say, we were finito.
I took the news as bad as you might expect. Within the hour I had cryed my heart out, packed up my T.S. Elliot collection and some clothes into a rucksack, and had hit the road. I have spent portions of these last couple of weeks hitching my way through Barstow, Reno, Eureka, and Eugene (and no Dartmouth I have not made stops in Nova Scotia, but maybe someday). Primarily I have been able to keep to myself in these cities, something which has been great.
As it stands now I do not know where I am headed and part of that excites me. Contrary to what Sergei wrote, I do not feel that I am headed back towards mother. My time at the center showed me that is not a stop on my path to Nirvana. Mother is helping me though. Just today I picked up her money order at one of this country's many convenient Western Union locations. She does not seem to be too worried about my wear abouts. Unlike father I feel she has faith in me. Faith that I can find my way. As for father I still have not found the appropriate time to let him know of where I am. I know he cares about me and I appreciate the help he so graciously bestowed upon me, but the time is not right yet. Maybe a month or two down the line when I do have more of a semblance of a plan of my own.
I plan to update you all on my life more over the next few months. I have wanted to write countless times these past couple of weeks, if only to let everyone know that I was safe, but I needed time to myself, time to figure things out. I was not--and to some extant still am not--ready to let anyone other than mother know where I am, but I am sure there will be clues here and there.
A good deal of the impetus for this blog was my own but sometime things get in the way of our intentions and stop them from coming to fruition. Nonetheless I apologize for this. I just have not been in the right mindset the two months that Bring Back the Hindenburg has been running, but I believe I am there now. Let us all hope that that belief is correct.
Regards,
AASXLIII
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