Welcome to the Gravy Train

We here at Hindenburg are used to drama. The presence of Archie and Minxie insures that every Thanksgiving ends with one of them throwing the Turkey across the room in support of Republican Party Dark horses. They do this and they can't even vote. Minxie is a felon, Archie doesn't know how. Though they are a constant burn, we are used to it, it's who they are and, worsely, who they want to be.

Today's drama comes from our omnipresent conscience, ethical compass, and Detroit Tigers centerfielder Curtis Granderson. During our friendship you've taught us to whittle, lectured us on the buddy system, and provided everything our summer camp counselors never could. We thought we knew you. With the trade of Cameron Maybin we thought your demons on insecurity would be quelled and that you would finally buck up and enjoy a clean, Applebee's laden life. I didn't expect this...

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071121/SPORTS02/311210004/0/ENT01

You really have some explaining to do Curtis. I hope you'll do so soon.

I need to forget, I must move on. I need the synthesizer to do so. No other instrument so innately captures the human soul. Triumphs, failures, and small instances of life can't be captured by the French horn. When I want to concentrate, try, or think the best think to do is listen to a single keyboard loop over and over.

The List: The Best Things to Say to a Fed Ex Delivery Man
1. How much would it cost to mail myself to you?
2. I don't know about you but if I worked at Kinko's I imagine I would only eat at Subway. Do you like the Carne Asada?
3. When you're alone do you ever just stop and sniff the packages?
4. What's the best thing you ever delivered?

Using number 4 as a launch pad. IU am often bored. There is a general unwillingness to share details, anecdotes, and deeelights (grove is in the heart, my ass). When conversation reaches a standstill the first impluse shouldn't be to ask what TV shows someone likes. A much more applicable question is "what is your favorite thing in the world?" or perhaps "what are your 5 best memories?"

These are personal, these are intimate. Isn't that what conversation should be about. They also prove a good litmus test. If you ask someone their favorite thing in the world and they say "beer" or "gerbils" than you know that person is suspicious. Real suspicious.

What's your favorite thing in the world? Comment below.