To Whom It May Concern

Greetings Dear Friend,

It is with immense sadness that I must lay this letter upon you. You see there is a handsome outstanding debt in my book next to your name. As we are currently in a recessive state around here the time has come for debts to be collected and owned up to. You will find a bill enclosed with your outstanding debt noted. If you see yourself unable to fill this receipt please do not respond to this note. Instead, sit back in a comfortable chair and prepare for a friendly visit. Mind you, any attempts to flee or hide will be met with swift strokes from a well worn sledge hammer bearing the title, "Payment." Your cooperation is appreciated and any means to save your own hide will be shined upon. Please leave all funds in an unmarked, sealed envelope at the end of the counter at Plum's Coffee Shop. Do not speak to anyone. Hopefully we will not have to discuss the matter further. Until we do business again...

Cheers & Good Tidings,
Jasper A. Jowls