The eyebrows are growing in just fine thank you. That doesn't mean I haven't had all my mail shifted to a P.O. Box registered in a pseudonym. This measures might seem extreme, but I swear they aren't homophobic. Truth is, the minx has a bit of a soft side. I can't say "no". If the Mailman were to ask me out, I'd have no choice but to say yes. If we shared soda at a local fountainry and my Great Aunt chanced to see us I would lose fifty dollars worth of inheritance. I can't afford that now. My Esquire subscription needs renewing. I live for new mixed drink recipes. Funny thing about Esquire. it's great on Croatian bus rides when you're home sick, it's kind of trite otherwise. This isn't to say that it isn't a good sort of trite.
I listen to Timbaland so I will know what kind of shoes to buy. I would also listen to him if I decided to go to a club. This is no bunking on Lil' Timba. I just feel like a fool grooving to his sounds on the floor. It ain't for me, you feeling my chains.
This is going to sound dumb. I'm 'bout to hit you with Freshman Year Deep Thoughts, that's ok though. Imagine this in the voice of young Claire Danes "The thing is... life has patterns." Little grooves permeate lives and have more effect than we give them credit for. These are so often dictated by school, work, girls, or the presence, of bears. We can't help it. We aren't yet Communists or Socialites. We have no choice but submission to the way things are. That's how it goes.
Recently, I have found myself in the presence of nothing. Little leaped up to define my time so for the first while in a while, the onus was on me to put my own print on it. This has been the case before and it led to feverish porn viewing. This current version has brought upon something far from naked girls (or buys, FUCK!)...legitimacy. A new niche has been carved in this old being of mine.
I found myself exploring, working, and striving hard for basically anything and everything. If I were an athlete I would dare say that I was hinting on making the leap. Dare say, I've been acting a hella lot like Drew Bynum in his post-myspace era. Meals tasted better, thins got written faster, and I acquired like 12 new pen pals or some shit. if money, time, and extrinsic needs were of no salt I could see myself doing this forever. I'd be growing but not for any real reason, just because it was happening. The thing inside was getting boisterous and I was left with no choice but to grow to accomodate it. I feel that several of my cohorts are in a similar uphill jog (congrats, btw). It feels good to grow. It feels good to discover so many new shrimp recipes.
the problem with this is that things come and disrupt this. The world doesn't wait. it ain't like a roller coaster. You can't go in when you are the right size. You've got to take on the physics regardless. Forces that represent the world are coming. Fuck, they're even here already. I love and appreciate these forces but I can't take them now. Not yet anyway.
Rather than try to accept these forces and whatever new journeys they represent I've been lashing out and pretending to steal these force's car. I guess I have a little more growing to do.
On a side note, cleaned up episodes of Dexter will begin to air on CBS soon. Care to watch Grandma?
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