The Beat Goes On and On and On....

According to Ian McEwan's introduction to Peter Schneider's The Wall Jumper , Nikita Khurshchev once said that Berlin was "the testicles of the West. When I want the West to scream, I squeeze on Berlin". This is what Tom Brady is to the Patriots' offense, let alone team as a whole. If the Giants want to live up to Plaxico Burress' bravado they have to squeeze the fuck out of Tom Brady.

This game plan is not of course any real revelation, but so far no team has really been able to apply the right amount of pressure to the Patriots' nads. But with a defensive front as colorful as the Giants' is, I feel they can do it. These are the kind of guys you're grandma would describe as a bunch of cards. First off, there's Strahan, who has recently spouted out some amazing things (not turds like fucking Tom Brady). Yesterday he finally copped to the fact that he is indeed an important member of America's gap tooth club (I'd like to imagine they call themselves the Gaps) and before the Cowboy's game, he said that he'd gladly accept Tony Romo's sloppy seconds. There's also Osi Umenyiora, who has--let's just say--a less than conventional way of entertaining his guests, an activity I'm sure he'd be down to include Brady in. And let's not forget the young buck Justin Tuck, whose very name reflects one of the main reasons for the beginning of the Patriot's dynasty. How appropriate would it be for him to play a role in the dynasty's demise.

I'm sure there's plenty of other colorful guys on that defensive front but honestly I don't know because I don't like pro football all that much. I just hate the Patriots. And the fans of Boston area sports teams. Fuck 'em all.

Oh and Tom Brady's boring. In case you forgot.

Also for those of you wondering when we'll get back to not talking about sports take solace in this, a lot of the reason I will be rooting against the Patriots is that they do not come off as a team of neon lights, as a team who would have wore BK Knights (you know the kind with the diiimunds). They are just boring. And to that, me and all my old dead guy writer friends say get out of our collective faces.