Plum Thumb and All the Good Rum

Do you remember the era of my childhood? It might not have been your era, but that shouldn't stop you from pretending. Just like a lack of company shouldn't stop you from going to the movies. If you do, you'll just end up going online and researching the movie. (Oh these tangents control such vitriol sometimes). Well anyway, my childhood was quite impeccable even though I was a fatty. I remember every thing as so fast, so lush, so green. Looking back, the editor of my youth has opted for extra saturation. 

I remember dropping a toy in my swing set and losing it forever. I remember chasing my sister with a knife. I remember how basketball became cool to learn about once I got my first pack of basketball cards. I remember looking at the back of these cards, disappointed to learn that Patrick Ewing wasn't 8 feet tall. Judging by his flat top alone, I assumed the man to be at least 8 feet tall. I also remember the television show Muppets Tonight. This was a big deal then. The Muppets mattered to my Dad and Dennis Quaid was an amazing host. Who can forget the sketches poking fun  at his infamous Quaid image. Oh boy hardy! 

TV really resonated with me as a child, being a life blood, instilling an attitude of wiseacreage. Because it did so much for me I had no choice but to bestow it the sanctity and love usually reserved for Uncles (especially Uncles who live in the woods. If you're not in jail... HI UNCLE FRANK!"). Every word uttered by the television was  unadulterated truth. This was how I saw my father as well. He told me that you needed to turn on turn signals when merging because they needed to be tested every 5 minutes (or else they'd break). When the Muppets told me that every show would be brand new I believed them. They didn't just say it. They sang it in the theme song. How can one lie in song? 

Every Sunday at 7:30 I gathered with my friend Phil to watch the Muppets, the host, and their requisite arsenal of antics. This was hallowed. Our show was sacred. Until one day. The Muppets aired a rerun, breaking their vow. 

Phil and I turned to each other. Part shocked and wholly appalled. We stopped and stared with drool ebbing down our young chins. Then the following conversation took place. 

Me: What do you think happened? Why aren't the Muppets new?

Phil: They probably made a joke about Israel and weren't allowed on the air. 

Me: Yeah. The Muppets would hate Israel.

I wish I still thought like a child. This wish isn't because I wish I were more innocent. I just wish I were more Israel conscious.