Nuns always get the best seats. On trains, I mean. And buses. And, I imagine, planes, trolleys/streetcars, lifeboats, Native American dug-out log canoes, high school basketball championship game bleachers, and motorcycle sidecars.
I resent this for these reasons:
1) Nuns are generally (outside of movies like Saving Silverman) homely, round, fat, and vaguely British*.
{*note: I have nothing against the British. I think we can all agree, though, that, on the whole, their women are much uglier than the rest of the world.}
2) The so-called "habit" worn by Nuns is not at all stylish. Whether it be the old-school Mother Teresa style habit, or that more chic version flossed by most Nuns these days--I am not a fan of these sartorial crimes.
3) Perhaps, after reading Philip Pullman's ultimately outrageously disappointing His Dark Materials series, I sort of, just a little bit, entertain a fantasy of some day murdering God (and not in the totally pussy-ass way that those two kids end up doing it in the Pullman's novel--it would be more like an outake from Old Boy). I'm not particularly violent, really, this just seems like a totally kickass idea that, unfortunately, has been sorely underutilized thus far (I do admit to associating with a character known to karate-kick construction signs and punch Marde Gras celebrants in their stomachs, but this is another matter entirely).
4) I am generally, whilst traversing the public transportation system, heavily weighed down with various and sundry alcohol bottles, and thus greatly resent those able to nab any vacant seats before me. Nuns, I'm looking in your direction(s).
5) I am, on the whole, often a very angry and bitter young man.
Lovingly yours,
J. Pt., Esq.
