Your Biological Clock

Sundays are a big stupid mountain covered in hair. They are a room temperature Big Mac you eat when too drunk to do anything else. Sundays are that bit hair you forget to shave but friends always notice, the smell of burnt hair at a baby shower, the screech of flatulence during religious ceremonies. You took Sunday to see Booker T and the MG's and Sunday heckled, not Booker T lead singer, but Booker T Civil Rights Activist.  They come over, already buzzed, and drink your last beer. They're the abscesses forming on your rear. They give noogies, punt the ball during games of catch, and know far too much about sabermetrics and not enough about team chemistry. Sunday's forget to DVR your favorite television shows and get all pissed off when you get all pissed off. "WELL YOU WATCH TOO MUCH TV ANYWAY" Sunday says before kicking you off to watch reruns of M*A*S*H, you'll peek in the window as you fly your kite and Sunday won't be laughing. That serious sabbath doesn't enjoy anything. 

I have two fingers, at all times, located on my emotional pulse. 1/7 of the week, my pulse turns cold and aloof--I wonder if my heart could be having a stroke or worse yet--if it could have packed it's bags and jumped from my chest--exploring the world for a more qualified/more blue-eyed/man/manboy/Buck Angel. 

On Sunday's the sun shines but its always raining. Today my hair caught on fire, singing my scalp, making it all but impossible to wear festive winter hats. It came as no surprise, It was Sunday. Feelin' kind of Sunday? I should've known from the axe in your hand. 

Days I Would Rather Have Instead of A Day Of Rest 

1. Caveman Day- You go about your day in normal fashion but grunt instead of talk and throw rocks at shiny things. They confuse you. 
2. Screaming Day- Everyone goes onto their sidewalk and yells at each other for two hours straight. After that, with stress dissipated, we'll have pancake breakfast and get to know each other...finally. 
3. Sit in A Refrigerator Box Filled With Icy Hot Day- This one's sort of self-explanatory. 
4. Finger Painting Day- Ditto. 
5. Refluxive Compository Intestinal Malignance Awareness  Day- Ditto Again. This shit's explaining itself. 
6. Put A Finger Somewhere You've Never Put A Finger Before- A day where we all try our best not to make obvious jokes. 

Anything would be better than this line of Sunday's, devoid of jaunty piano music and riddled with the incumbent's weeks pressures. 

"It's December 14th! I HAVE TO GET ON A PLANE IN 3 DAYS!" 

Maybe this day is cursed for a Non-Christian. Then again, maybe it'd be different if your football team could win a fucking game. Nah... This day plain blows.