sooo much pressure!

it's over. my days of resting on my laurels knowing that everybody else only posts every once in a while. thinking that i can just write whenever i feel inspired to write. wrong. those days are long gone. we have entered the dynasty of sergei tortoise.

not to say of course that our fearless leader joel 'clean coal' walkowski's dynasty is over. far from it. he will always be my leader, having been the inviter to my invitee, the pusher to my taker, the biker to my...well, also biker. but joel is no longer the sole planet in this blogoverse with a few revolving satellites (namely, myself and jeff ze pen, though jeff ze pen has probably upgraded from satellite status as well). the blog is real now. it has a collection of styles, a harmony of voices, a whole goddamn school of fish, if you will. as my best friend in high school used to say to our opponents at the free throw line during NIC-9 basketball games: "SOOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

i like to think he said it at least 50% ironically. i mean, come on. a free throw in a high school basketball game in northern illinois? in the larger scheme of things, the pressure would hardly register. but he said it (screamed it! along with my other best friend always yelling to the referee: "hey ref, watch 3 in the key!" even when it's obvious there was no 3 second violation. it's all the get in their heads man!) anyway, and sometimes it worked. so much pressure. i think we can all relate to that. but i know what you're saying to yourself. you're saying to yourself "dammit mc_____, enough with this whole 'big picture' philosophy, let's talk about women!" well i'm sorry, i cannot oblige you. these late night examinations of self that i indulge in more than occassionally are the only things that keep me grounded in reality. if i didn't think about the big picture, i would have killed myself in high school. it's wayyy too easy for people, especially me (at least i think so), to get caught up in the everyday shenanigans and lose their minds. but who's to say i haven't lost it already? i mean, look at me! i don't even use capital letters!

i've sort of been keeping it a secret (well, not a secret, but i haven't told anybody about it, so i guess yeah, a secret) but i recently joined twitter. i'm not sure why i kept it a secret, or didn't tell anyone about it, but i think it has to do with the recently fashionable opposition to online social networking. you know. "oh you have a TUMBLR? what are you GAY?" or "i shut off my facebook because i found it too stifling to my creativity." or "i only subscribe to LinkedIn, because it's real. all those other social network sites have totally sold out." and to that i say 'get off your high horses, you fat turkeys!' but until just now i was saying 'perhaps you're correct, so i will hide my twitter in shame so i do not fall to the ridicule of my peers.' twitter is a strange beast. while exceedingly simple, it's impossibly intimidating at the same time. there's an entire lingo, culture, and protocol to using it correctly, and that alone would be enough for me to hesitate in attempting to wrangle it to my whims, even without the attached social stigma. but i'm trying, and now it's out there, in the open, so maybe now i'll have some people to talk to on it. but no pressure.

another great story: now i consider myself a fairly laid back dood. i don't get caught up in people's shit (see 'big picture', above), i try to play the peacemaker when things get out of hand, and i try not to worry about what other people think of me. but this weekend was a true test of my laidbackitude. now my job calls for a semi-annual meeting (called "semi-annual." campus cruiser is not a creative enterprise) once a semester to give everyone new numbers and go over policies and new stuff that will be happening and such. and cruisers being who they are (the bottom of the barrel of the work study society, being that we work, but never study. but god how i love 'em!) there is traditionally what we call a "mixer" the night before every semi-annual. these "mixers" often last literally all night, given that campus cruiser runs until 3am nightly, with the intention of letting those poor souls who work the latest a chance to join in the festivities. so this "mixer" fell on a friday, with the "semi-annual" being on saturday at noon.

friday night was a big night for me. there was a birthday party for a screenwriter friend of mine downtown, which brock and i attended via bicycle. the bar was loud, crowded, and expensive, but fun nonetheless. i made a comment to brock about how all the yelling would be the end of my social abilities the next day (read: i was gonna lose my voice, fo sho). after bidding the very wasted birthday girl adieu, we rode home, where i found nico, fresh from a truly crappy day of shooting his film. i drunkenly told him how much i loved him and how he was the one that was going to make it because he's the best of all of us (while quickly--quickly--downing two more vodka tonics). needless to say, i was six ways to sunday already by this point. but the "mixer" awaited.

i had promised some of the few friends i have at cruiser that i would make an appearance, and by this point in the night i was riding so high on the depressant that is alcohol that i was game for anything. i hopped back on the bicycle and headed to the "mixer." i immediately headed to the gaming table. the gaming table being where everyone is gathered playing quarters or some such bullshit. i loudly announced my presence and was met with minor fanfare. despite being a (very) senior cruiser, i know few of the newer people, who seemed to mostly populate this party. but a few true cruisers knew me and gladly welcomed my drunken ass. the game changed to flip cup. a challenge was issued from younger cruisers to the older cruisers. i realize that referring to us as "cruisers" gives us a certain connotation, but alas, that's what we are.

a side note to protect what little pride i have left (you'll understand by the end of the story): flip cup is not my game. i'm not that great at it.

the flip cup game ends in tears. not literal tears. but the sort of tears you get after chugging beer so quickly you dry (wet?) heave and still end up losing. yes, we lost. multiple times. that's when things get hazy. i recall finding myself in the kitchen over a fresh red solo cup of vodka and coke and shrugging to myself thinking "eh, why not?"

flash forward (which is what it felt like to me) to next morning: i am lying on the floor in my spider-man boxers (a true sign that it's approaching laundry day. why oh why didn't i do laundry before the "mixer"?!) on the third floor of a house i didn't know had a third floor. my clothes are in a wet pile next to me. i have either pissed myself or taken off all of my clothes and pissed on them. i'm leaning towards the latter, because there is no other way i could have pissed on my own hat. of course, i could have just spilled or been spilled on. but for the sake of my embarrassment let's say it was piss. i am alone. i am still drunk. really really drunk. i stand up and notice an open room. i don't bother to check what time it is. i flop onto a bed that belongs to someone i do not know and fall asleep probably mid-flop.

a few hours (minutes? days? i have no idea) later: i am awoken by who i imagine is the owner of the bed.
"let's go, 1 o'clock already, time to leave."
i don't think he meant for his bed to serve as a dropping point for piss-covered jackasses. i put on my still-wet clothes muttering a quiet "ah, shit" (when i realize that i did, in fact, completely lose my voice) and stumbled down the two flights of stairs. i ride my bike home but have no recollection of the route i took. i probably fell asleep on the way. it is long past the point where i could show up to the "semi-annual" with any semblance of respect. in short, during a celebration for our semi-annual meeting, i got too drunk and slept through our semi-annual meeting. so everyone who didn't get alcohol poisoning and went to the meeting knows exactly why i wasn't there. my shame was unbearable. i was drunk until 8pm saturday.

but through a combination of big-picture philosophy and some cathartic blog-posting, i've purged the guilt from my soul. the pressure has been lifted. i invite you to sympathize, empathize, ridicule, mock, deride, console, relate to, whatever you want, positive or negative. i think we can all learn from this.

and i believe i've lost control. this has spiraled out of orbit and we're heading for a gate crash (ok i've been watching a lot of cowboy bebop lately. anime rules, right sergei? but i'll save that for a future post). but at least i'm pulling my weight around here now. pressure's on you guys.




oh hey, BASEBALL'S BACK!