Important Announcement!!!

I figured there was no better place than the Hindy to unveil plans for my first novel. I have spent much time over the past few years, telling loved ones of my plans to write the Great American Novel (a hippogriff if there ever was one) starring the X-Men. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to do just that, only with one little change to that formula.

My first experience with the X-Men, was the early 90's cartoon that aired on Fox. When I then moved onto the actual comics, the books were nearing the tail end of the Jim Lee era. Blue and yellow were everywhere (some times pink and green too); as were belts, pockets, visors, and sunglasses. It was awesome. This is the period of X-Men continuity that my story will be set in, and during this time there were few things that resonated with me more than the father-daughter relationship between Wolverine and Jubilee. So that's what I'm going to focus on.

But this is where the change comes in. Wolverine will not be in my book. Like many Marvel Comic fans, I've grown tired of the character's overexposure (quite the understatement too, believe you me), so I've chosen to replace Logan with none other than award winning documentarian Ken Burns. Unorthodox choice? Of course, but that's the point. Writing the Great American Novel would be all to easy of a task. This novel will force me to better utilize my imagination, to come up with an alternate history for Jubilee, one different from the one seen in the cartoon and comics. Think of it as Phillip Roth's "The Plot Against America," only my novel will be about the X-Men and not about what would have happened had the Nazis won World War II.

So how does Ken Burns come to take on the role of Jubilee's father figure you might ask. Well, here's how: Coming off the success of 1990's "The Civil War," PBS wants yet another boring historical documentary, but Burn's has other ideas. He does not want to become that kind of documentarian, the kind known for being unable to bring his skills to anything other than the past. He wants to tackle something more current, something topical that will resonate with people, particularly teen's a group not as interested in "The Civil War" as the 50-somethings who make up most of PBS's demographic. What better way to find out what adolescents are into, than by visiting a mall; and where better than a mall in the capital of stereotypical mall culture, Southern California's San Fernando Valley. A week after his stroke of genius, Burns finds himself walking through the Sherman Oaks Galleria when a Sentinel (a robot controlled of mutant hating scientist Dr. Trask even bigger mutant hater Henry Gyrich) burst through the mall's roof and in search of the Jubilation Lee, a.k.a. Jubilee. Without thinking Burns comes to the aid yellow jacket clad teen, by deflecting the robot's hand into one of the mall's many fountains, where the water causes the robot to short out. The threat averted, Burn's offers to treat Jubilee to an Orange Julius, knowing that's the only thing that will calm someone after such a traumatic moment. Over the delicious beverage, Burns and Jubilee really hit it off, so much so that he asks her to be his guide through to Southern California mall culture. Being a typical bored teenager, and feeling some sort of familial love for the man, she readily agrees.

That of course will only take up the first few pages or so of the novel. I'll be tackling a few other things as well. Like Jubilee's homelessness (it's not real homelessness, she just doesn't like living with her mom) and dealing with the other sentinels sent after her, especially since a fountain will not always be around for Burns to deflect its reaching hand into. My main focus though, will be Burn's addiction to--in his own words--"fucking." In fact the only reason Burn's had made "The Civil War," was to distract himself from "fucking," but since his series about teen's hanging out in malls is only in the planning stages, it will be harder to avoid "fucking." There will be other things touched upon too, but these are the ones I've figured out so far.

Oh, in case you are worried, Burns and Jubilee will not be doing any "fucking." She's too young for him, and more importantly too pure. Burns is not intersted in that. Also just because he likes "fucking" does not mean he lacks morals.

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Tomorrow (or by Thursday) I tackle the accusation that I write esoterically.