an actor seeks revenge

what up muthafuckas,

ive been gone for many a moon (aka since the superbowl) but im back. what has prompted your return Sergei? well first of all i am dedicated to the furthering of all things Hindenburgian, but secondly i am mad, about as mad as i imagine a person can be. who are you mad at mr. tortoise? shirt fuckin woot, boys and girls. thats that website that some of our more faithful readers love so much, has wronged a good friend of mine. hell, they've wrong this wonderful country of ours. and i, for one, will not stand for it.

last week a very good friend of mine, who will remain nameless as he his much too gentle a soul to embark on the journey im about to set sail on, designed a shirt for one of their weekly "derbies." apparently in these so called "derbies" members of the site are able to design a shirt that matches the weeks theme, and other members can vote on the shirt they like most. the top 3 vote getters are then made into real shirts, by the fellows at shirt.woot (i would guess a subsidiary of the decrepit woot.com website), and placed on sale. when i was first told of this, i thought it sounded pretty cool, dandy even. but as i would soon come to learn, shirt.woot is interested in one thing, perverting fairness and taste.

so the theme for the most recent contest was leap year. a boring theme if you ask me, and if you go over to shirt.woot (although i heavily recommend you don't) you'll find that most of this week's entries are just that. except for the one that my friend submitted. you will see it at the top of the post. beautiful isnt it? whether it's the color, the design, the subtle use of text, or the adherence to the theme, it's hard not to be floored by each of the shirt's aspects. i know that the first time i laid eyes upon it, i was immediately smitten, in a manner similar to the first time i got to see a girl's bare breats. in person. which is saying a lot. but that is how much i loved the shirt. first thing i did of course, after calling my friend and raining praise upon him, was go over to shirt.woot and register myself, so that in a few excruciatingly long days i would be able to purchase a shirt of my own. i mean it was a safe bet that this shirt would win. his design is a perfect excercise in beauty, taste, class, exuberance and restraint. it is everything that shirt.woot could have asked for in an entry, as close to a shoe in as the site would find this year. but it wasn't. because those putrid wastes of space over at shirt.woot, rejected the shirt. apparently they took it upon themselves to make sure that however many woot members there are would be unable to wear the week's best shirt, the one that most boldly lived up to the theme of leap year.

if you could not tell, shirt.woot's actions disgust me. i can think of few more vile things to have happened this year. shirt.woot have trampled on the spirit of democracy for who knows what reason. they saw something that would bring joy to hundreds, no millions, and they took it away. maybe it was because my friend was not one of their inner circle. my friend has not mentioned that he thinks this could be the reason, but it easily could be. i am willing to bet that if you look back on winner from the past month, you will find that each and every one of them has a connection to shirt.woot in some sort of way. or it could be that they are idiots unable to see the shirt's actual content, a dignified and heroic retelling of one day's quest to break the oppressive constraints of a typical 365 day year. as i type this i realize that the most likely scenario, is that shirt.woot is guilty of all of these sins. they saw a beautiful bird, one that could bring joy to children the world over, and clipped it's wings because it was not birthed by one of their own. as i said earlier, few things, if any have hurt me as much as this. i am literally sick because of this whole business.

see that over there, its an adorable puppy...and shirt.woot just kicked it. because they do that. they destroy wings. they make sure that dreams do not exist.

boycott shirt.woot. boycott em good!