The Boy Takes Off With His Water Pipe

The boy takes off with his water pipe. Setting it by his side because the landlord doesn't allow dogs, he strikes up a match and takes it to the charcoal. In the end, it doesn't even need to touch. The coal recognizes the presence of fire, sucks it in, and a wave of sparks erupts through the coal turning everything an ember orange.

It does little to set off an unstoppable wave.

A candidate says/does/seems/appears/was/will be/shot/murdered/played something and it doesn't stop. The wave has begun. Palin's oration, McCain's mavericking, Obama's nefarious origins, Biden's--well, we haven't heard much about Biden. It doesn't matter if these things are of substance or merit, their presence is enough to make them cultural phenomenons and tired tenants of tawdry conversations. No one means anything when discussing any politician at this point--our views have been disseminated and determined by this point to make way for archetypes and punditry--two things that might not be so different. Both are rife for the mudslinging!

An unstoppable wave can be scientifically intriguing or boring as hell.

I am minutes away from losing an hour. This makes me patently uncertain whether the looming election is either two or three days away. My vote has not been cast but the election process feels like it should have died months ago. The peril of having a rogue candidate you choose to follow is the drama abound near everywhere. Super tuesday doesn't seem so super anymore. Nor do any of the other pitstops along the way.

Here is what I know come election day:

Sarah Palin was a popular Halloween costume. So was the Joker. Not nearly enough people went as Jack Nicholson's 1989 incarnation. Lest we forget Jackie Boy.

Obama is funnier without trying than McCain is when trying. This is true of nearly everyone though. When I try to be funny I'm usually not. When I just be, I can be pretty hilarious. I tried to learn my French class in the short lived era of a voodoo practicing Grandmother. I tried to explain how she killed chickens but accidentally said she shat a chicken.

McCain, as portrayed in three excellent portrayals by Esquire Magazine, was rejected by his party, devoid of funding, and down to a scant few supporters. His path to the ticket on the old cobble stone road made him much more of an underdog than Obama could ever/will ever be. Obama harnessed the most powerful (man made) resource on the planet to his advantage. This is the way of Goliath not David, though the view of a man coming to rise in Democracy via the power of the people is an ironic twist of the ole' δημοκρατία or dimokratia.

Elections make people wonder what others arew thinking without ever trying to understand what others are thinking. Nick tries to figure his Mom's logic while Cousins of mine politick on their facebooks to stir debate that strays far from the political realm (love you/miss you/no offense D or P).

From a cultural standpoint Barack Obama is my candidate of choice. He has ties to the inner-city infastructure that has community. He plays basketball...with NBA players...and trash talks them. CHECK IT

He's also spawned the most hilarious generation of t-shirts I have ever seen. Los Angeles' fashion district has produced several lines of Obama tees. One is a high budget affair that juxtaposes Obama with bedazzled microphone in front of a shadow of Martin Luther King. The other is a poor artist's rendering in which he appears to be wearing ruby red lipstick. Also, I've cheered for the token black guy in movies since I started watching them.

But this isn't about culture or feelings or any of the assorted gobbeldy gook that comes with elections. None of that matters.

As the ants in my kitchen can attest I am an exceptionally irresponsible person but I do my best to be a responsible citizen (aside from taking out the garbage). As such I feel it is my duty to disregard cultural jingos, my parent's beliefs, word on the street, and party lines. Though University's are rife with the sort of group think that influences such choices they also harbor political science divisions that strive to help voters make the most informed decision possible.

Last January, during the height of primaries, USC's Political Science School ( a bipartisan facility) published a guide to the election that listed all major and minor candidates and their stances on a cornucopia of issues. Taking this guide, I crossed out the names and put it away for a few days. Taking enough time to go through thr form I read the views and marked the three I agreed with most, awarding points based on rank. Upon completion, I grabbed another guide, computed my answers and found Barack Obama to be the best representation of my chosen world view. John McCain was near the top of my list despite our clashes on issues that could conceivably be tied to religion, and it looked as though I would vote Republican if Senator Clinton had grabbed the Democratic Party Nomination.

Coming in last place by a large margin was Rudy Giuliani. His stance on immigration was to "build a high tech super fence between the United States and Mexico".

A new guide was published this week pitting Obama versus McCain yet again. I felt secure in my choice but wanted to be sure before 11/4. Reworking the test, I fell even more in line with Obama
due to his views on fixing the Economy. I trust our matches on this for no reason besides a community college professor urging me to abandon the arts and enter Economics because I was "a natural".

So there you have it. That's my vote. I wish others would follow such a plan. I don't mean to misconstrue others as misinformed but the constant jabbering, stereotypes, and frayed caricatures make the electoral process hearken back to desperate boredom accompanying a bad relationship.

No matter what happens Tuesday, my plainest hope is that it doesn't dissuade from Nailin' Paylin sequels.

I entered this post with the goal of explaining every Halloween Costume I ever wore. Suffice, that didn't happen. Maybe later. Or never.