Phone Home

Celebritydom was not for me, so I ditched that shit. Tom Selleck was lame, Annie Lebowitz forced Miley Cyrus into hiding, and Jeff Goldblum only hangs out with writers. Fret not though loved ones and acquaintances for I am back. Maybe not on a hourly basis like I should be, but at least from time to time I will continue sprinkle you all with further teachings from the Blessed Pulpit of Sergei.

I have been known to disappear from time to time. I never really thought about it before, but have come to realize it more and more over the last few months. It starts like this, I avoid seeing/calling/texting/emailing/im-ing someone for a day solely because I don't feel like talking at that moment, which then turns into a few days. It's around the one week mark that guilt starts to seep in, but with that comes this almost paralyzing fear that keeps me from calling them back and apologizing for being a flake. The fear is ridiculous (one I know really shouldn't even exist), but it has a weird power on me, and by the time I finally overcome it six months has passed. At that junction, what's the point right? Usually after a few more months though, the old heart strings start tugging and the lameness of missing someone sets in and I finally call them. After a few awkward apologies things continue on--almost just as they were all those months ago--but as nice as they might be you can tell somethings a bit off. You just have to hope that eventually things will go back to the way they used to be, or gotten to the point where you both have moved on and reforged your relationship.

That's sort of what happened with my and Bring Back the Hindenburg these last few months. I got caught up with other things and put the Hindy on the back burner. It's not so much that my priorities were out of order, I just took a couple weeks off and then started to feel shame faced and didn't know what to do, so I sat on my ideas and slowly my presence dissapeared from this forum. Like the people that I eventually regain contact with though, I do care about Bring Back the Hindenburg, whole heartedly in fact. And I am repledging my allegiance. There is no reason I can't fit the Hindy into my day to day or week to week life, and that's what I intend to do.

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Things I would like to briefly mention:

The Lakers are in the finals. This pleases me to no end. They will of course be playing Boston, a team I am still not impressed with. I would like to they will trounce the emerald clad offspring of a hypocritical city, but I fear that it's just my home team bias coming out. We'll see. Perchance to dream though.

Manchester United won the Champions leauge. This also pleased me to no end, but not more than the return of the person I watched it with. I realize that's way lame but I don't care. Fuck all y'all.

The Carter III is about to drop. I've heard it. It is the truth, much more so than Paul Pierce is. Let's all band together and buy it the day it comes out though. It's like the soundtrack of a Hindenburgian life. Right?

Though I no longer have the ideal summer, it does still kind of technically exist. I wish I could wake up whenever I want and spend all day reading, but it's still cool if a bit hot.

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Anyway, I'm back. And I'll write to you all soon. It'll hopefully be a bit more fun next time.

Yeah... You're Fucking Complicated

Big Homeless is not a man of the street, he's a man of the people. Growing up and out in the realm of Academia, he was considered a prodigy of Psychology for his unorthodox approach and strange methodology. Such praise allowed Big Homeless endless access to grant money, prestigious graduate assistant jobs, and a slew of other scholastic treats. Such was the golden path for Big Homeless, but things got hard upon graduation. His idiosyncratic practices were lost on his therapy subjects. They didn't want to know why they wore green, only wanting to know why they wanted to cut themselves. Such normalcies didn't interest Big Homeless. He went out, abandoned traditional practices, and became America's first street psychologist. Here are some of his prophecies.

Greetings ya'll hope your Saturday is swimming and that your life is good on all accounts. Hope life don't have you too down, and that you have yet to invest too much in this year's Oscar Season. Even Momma knows that it'll be Daniel Day's Day.

Since this is our first meeting, let's lay down the basics. I live in Los Angeles. Despite the moniker I am not homeless. I have a great apartment near La Brea that I am rarely at. I sleep there for six hours a day, four hours a week. The 1400 a month is nothing to me. It's enough to for a decent bed given my advantages. The rest of the time I am, well, out there, living life and giving my chosen spiel to the world. That's how it goes sometimes and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yesterday was a fruitful one. I had some observations that are mine and mine alone. Let me share them with you and make these observations open source.

Observation 1.

My broheim, let's call him Bick, was joining me and our mutual friend Sergei for a Thai Food Dinner. We like the place. We want to become regulars at Mae Plot. The waiter, Sid, is a scamp. They unapologetically mess up orders. The Mongolian Beef is delicious and they show Laker Games on plasma. What more can you want? All desirable aspects of life are wrapped up in a neatly wrapped package for our consumption.

On the way there, Bick was a little car sick. We thought Bick might puke so we slowed and he discussed Ken Griffey Jr before moving onto his advanced opinions of Thai Food. Bick had this to say about Los Angeles's fine array of Thai Food. "The Thai Food is good here but for my money it can not compare to the Thai Food in Michigan."

The superiority of Michigan's Thai Food is tangible to Bick. He believes it with every iota of his soul and cites it as the greatest Thai Food that has ever, or will ever, come to exist. These notions are filled with fallacies. As a young buck, reared outside Detroit, Bick tasted Thai for the first time. It blew his mind. Not only was it a new kind of cuisine, but it lay the template for any Thai Food he would ever taste. Although it is decent Thai Food in a worldly sense, to Bick it is incredible, the only Thai Food worth eating. It established what Thai Food would or should be, becoming the measuring stick and the only true testament to Thai Cuisine.

Though this can make a restaurant better, it is a trap. Depriving Bick of other Thai Food greatness and making him long for not only the tastes of home but for the Michigan experience as a whole. It should come as no surprise that Bick has taken his lumps in adjusting to a new environ. The world (and Thai food) still reside in Michigan.

Also, Bick has a long distance girl friend he loves a lot. Such an exaltation can turn any shit Thai Food into greatness.

Observation 2

As a bit of irony, I was sober at 11pm and ended up being the designated driver on a run to McDonald's for two friends let's call them Rock and Theidi. They were so belligerent in their fun time that they were willing to take a ride in my car. It is the pure definition of Jalopy. It lacks a bumber. It is filled with leaves. The only redemptive quality is that it has a portrait of Richard Nixon in the back seat. This portrait is good for anything, and so often everything. it is the lifeblood of my vehicular enjoyment.

In the drive through of McDonald's we began to joke about the painting. Being drunk as they were they engaged in screaming fits. Getting three milk shakes was never so hard. An adequate adventure we found ourselves lost in our moment of little insignificance, causing the world to close and boundaries to fall.

Theidi looked at the portrait of Richard Nixon and called it "Ronald Nixon". the power of McDonald's and the scope of our experience snuck into her mind and dissolved any distinction between the McDonald's experience (and thus the exploits of Ronald McDonald) and our late embattled president Richard Nixon. This gave birth to a hybrid of Politics and fast food culture.

All I can say is Hamburglar Clinton in 2008.

This is Big Homeless signing out. Hope to see you out there.