Viva La Responsibilite

After spending the regular season and playoffs in the guise of a fan aspiring to be a Sports Writer, I've shelved this approach of witnessing. As it stands, I've viewed every game on the NBA finals through the Imagivision, which is similar to Disney 3-D in it's impressive composition. This seat (the best in the house) allows me to enjoy the game while paying no attention as I shift into long-winded bullshit with comrades.

Examples of potential bullshit:
-Trying to make the most disturbing drawing I can. Asking Heidi to do the same. Hanging drawings on the refrigerator.
-Debating how much pizza to get.
-Wondering why humans enjoy sports?
-Debating the foundation of ambition.

Now, if there was one thing I could be it'd be a professional athlete. First, playing games is fun. Second, you get to do so in Arenas brimming with fans, their screams forever distorting your sense of hearing but exacerbating your sense of self. Third, you get to look cool doing it. Dwight5 Howard wears an array of arm bands that provide no medical need but make him look buff. I do the same thing. Serious pick up football games are played on the Weekends in Dearborn. As the biggest player and best receiver, I dress to intimidate and scare, often opting for a Women's Lions Tank Top. It is the rare item that can make a man appear buff while accentuating his cleavage.

The best moments come chasing down a stray ball. These are bliss like only Joshua Tree or Skylake can provide but they aren't what I get excited about. When I imagine these games the lot of us are dressed like warriors, engaging in camraderie, etc. In short, we act like morons. Sheltered kids making believe to become football players.

I write. I want to be a writer. I try to only write when I'm feeling inspired. This helps the writing but does not help me become a writer. I'm pretty obsessed with purity. I've played the game of wanting to become something and found it extremely unsatisfactory. This is why I haven't sent the novel out. It's also part of the reason I'm living in my Mother's basement. Doing things for the right reasons? Honoring thy muse? What's the importance of all this except to self-sanctify?

The world is open to possibility. This lends itself to ambition. Ambition usually comes in two forms. 1) I enjoy doing something and want to make a career of it. 2) I'd like to be something. It seems cool and would maybe help me get laid.

I'm a big proponent of number one but it is called into question. Last night, I was thinking of all the roles within the Earth. Filmmakers produce visual media for others to intake. Mailmen distribute our memos. Computer Technicians do something vague that no one actually understands. With infinite cogs it is noble to deem a role as your path or is it better to fall into it? Human beings do a lot of strange things. If you were to forget all and see civilization as it sprouted would you ever imagine that this is what we become? Operations have shifted to super-scale with everyone more or less playing the game of reputation. This used to be the thing I feared most about becoming. Why not? They are making movies of Board Games! Board Games!

I'm not sure I can express this thought. I'll just be someone and my standing will tell it for me.